Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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