i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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