those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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