Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize