I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
