DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
