Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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