I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
