I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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