dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just high enough for therapy.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
