i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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