but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
