This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
