I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
