I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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