Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
