I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
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I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
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Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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