He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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