I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
