____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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