Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
