reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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