You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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