I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
