I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
