The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So many bounce houses so little time
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
