perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
