They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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