you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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