Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
