his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
did i walk over a car last night?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
