i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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