Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I got inside last night via doggy door
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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