We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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