Your mouth is God's brothel.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
