I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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