I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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