I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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