You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
