i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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