at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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