i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
