i just sent this text using only my big toe
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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