im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
