You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I fill condoms, not promises.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
