she was so not down for the gang bang
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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