I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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