I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
