; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
