He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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