i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
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What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
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Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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