Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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