If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
