My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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