so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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