paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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