He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
