I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
