We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
