Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
