don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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