Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
