i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
