I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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