i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
